Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
