Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
