this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
