I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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