We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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