Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
