She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
