WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
