Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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