Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
