You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
