I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
