he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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