I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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