why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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