Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
