i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
