But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize