at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
