Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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