Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You are a genius and a whore.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
