Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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