Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
