Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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