so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
