Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
