he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
