im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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