they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
