bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
