Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
