hell yes lets make some ravioli
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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