she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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