Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
