Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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