U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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