I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
