sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
