i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
