It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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