I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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