Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
