hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
