I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
