I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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