I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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