Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
