he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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