On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
