we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
