I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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