Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
