It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my being single is dangerous.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
