Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
