It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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