in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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