Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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