Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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