i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
