Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
