You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
