Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
