I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
