I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
