There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
