I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
