just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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