but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
