dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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