She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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